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I struggle a lot with group situations at church – Bible studies, training sessions, you name it. In particular, if it’s a situation where my husband is not present, it’s tough for me. I can talk about my issues of shyness and fear of crowds at another time. But this particular struggle is in wondering when and how I should speak up.
For instance, if the leader asks someone to pray, should I volunteer to set an example for the group, or should I refrain from volunteering because it would be dominating too much? I generally do not step up to the plate on this one because I am not very comfortable with praying aloud and only do it when I feel it is necessary (like when I’m leading the study).
If it’s a Bible study, how often should I share my thoughts? And to what degree? I am learning to hold back and let others share, because this is an area where I could potentially dominate. I get all kinds of ideas when I’m in a Bible study, thoughts and memories from studies in the past or experiences I’ve had, concepts and connections that pop into my head based on the conversation or just the text itself, questions or comments that may only be helpful to me. I don’t always know when my thoughts are merely for my own benefit and when they are useful to the group at large. Beth Moore, a Christian speaker and author, wrote in one of her books (I don’t have it with me so I have to paraphrase from memory) something about how those who are teachers can’t help wanting to share what they know – when God gives them a thought, they want to shout it from the rooftops. I find myself in that predicament a lot.
This struggle for me comes from years of being the pastor’s kid where I had more of the answers than others, from having several years of training and from my love of reading books about ministry and theology. I feel an abundance of shareable information welling up inside of me whenever I get into those kinds of settings, and I never know if I should shut up or speak up. I try to remind myself that being the pastor’s wife does not mean I have to change who I am, but it’s still an ongoing struggle. I want to allow others to share their thoughts, and often times their thoughts lead to more thoughts in my head.
Maybe I should start bringing a journal with me to Bible studies and jot down all of these thoughts for myself. I sometimes forget that God places those bits of wisdom into my head first for my benefit, and then sometimes for the benefit of others.
Blooming Joy! 
I was almost beaten to death by my wife’s gaze at our group Bible study a week and a half ago. We are doing the how to Fireproof your marriage, after the movie, study. This is, of course, a Baptist church (Sherwood Baptist) that put it together so it is Baptist theology, and the point of the movie and the study is that to save your marriage you need to be saved. So the prayers in the study are, in several places, typical Baptist sinner’s repentance, public proclamation of faith and acceptance of Jesus as savior prayers.
So, I dared to point out, when our hostess suggested that we might pray this prayer out of the book, that it was not Lutheran and that we should not pray it.
Now, short of opening up my Taggart’s Book of Concord to the Statement of Concord Article III Paragraphs [32], [34] and [35] (look it up at Project Wittenberg) it is not easy to explain this statement. Actually, had I had Taggart open in front of me it STILL would not have been easy to explain. This is fine points of salvation by grace through faith, faith formation, the work of the Spirit and so on. I tried to say as few words as possible, and Peg kept giving me “the look,” and I was almost in the clear, and then …
(this is the whole point of my comment, Stephanie)
the Spirit hit me. You know me and spiritual gifts. Knowing and proclaiming are among my stronger points. Fortunately/unfortunately one of those little-recognized-in-the-Lutheran world pops up, too – tongues. In this case, the Spirit graciously let me keep speaking English but pretty much just took me over and proclaimed through me.
I finally got out alive and by the next afternoon had pretty well recovered in Peg’s graces. Pretty well. The problem with knowing and understanding things so well is that you still have to keep your mouth shut unless people ask you, specifically, OR the Spirit grabs hold of you and starts shaking it out of you. Same thing with praying. Most people in a group would not be able to follow or live with one of my prayers (undoubtedly the same for you) and I don’t care to pray publicly that much (although I have to lead devotions and morning prayer at LFL when Jim Lamb is on the road) because I kind of go for that hide myself in the closet and keep it between me and the Lord thing. But, people in church settings, just like they expect their Sunday School answers, expect their Sunday School prayers and you need to kind of train/restrain yourself to be able to deliver either. Listen much, speak little. Remember Ecclesiastes 5: 1 Watch your step when you go to the house of God. It is better to go there and listen than to bring the sacrifices fools bring. Fools are unaware that they are doing something evil. 2 Don’t be in a hurry to talk. Don’t be eager to speak in the presence of God. Since God is in heaven and you are on earth, limit the number of your words.
Like, I just didn’t limit the number of words, did I? But, then, we aren’t in the House of God right now, so …