I wrote about ISMs a while ago – Identity, Security, and Meaning. I think we spend our adolescence searching for the identity part especially. I know I’ve always longed for something to be “me.” And while I searched for what those things were, I happened upon them by accident. For instance, I found a love a multi-colored things, Gerber daisies, Casting Crowns, coffee drinks of all kinds, and teaching people about church/theology/Bible/you name it. When I was fifteen, I found myself setting my sights on being a DCE (Director of Christian Education). At the time, my reasoning had to do with rebellion (my dad disliked the profession) and the desire to be involved in ministry in some way. I knew in my heart I wanted to be a pastor’s wife but also knew I couldn’t guarantee that. And while I took a few detours on the career track, I found myself right where I belong, because my greatest passion is teaching in churches. We were up front about me being shy when we visited that church last week, but people didn’t believe it because I could handle speaking to the crowd. I have an easier time speaking in front of people than I do talking with strangers. Truth be told, if I’m in a teaching position, or talking about things I know, I get excited and have no problem. It’s the small talk, trying to come up with something to say that makes me freeze up. I think it’s the same issue as writer’s block, when I can’t think of something to write. And at least with writing I can start with my observations. Speaking that way doesn’t always work, because my observations aren’t always helpful. I’ve been sitting listening to some women at the next table who seem to still be searching for their identities. I can’t tell exactly how old they are but they are probably in their twenties. And I am realizing that one of the things we do in high school and college is test out theories about our identities by presenting them to our friends and seeing how they react. Their conversation about guys and tattoos and coffee seems to be just that, testing possible identities.
I don’t remember when I came to the conclusion that it doesn’t matter what others think of me, and I know I still struggle with this in certain ways, but at some point I chose my preferences based on what I like, not what I thought others think I should like. And I love knowing that some of my preferences are shared with my sister. She loves multi-colored things as well. In fact, when she got married, the bridesmaids all wore black dresses, but the flowers were different colors of the rainbow – red, orange, yellow, blue, and purple (green in the leaves). Each girl carried a different color, which corresponded to the flower worn by her accompanying usher/groomsman. And her bouquet had all of the flowers in it. We decorated the reception hall with multi-colored Christmas lights. And now I have dishes in every color of the rainbow, one set of each color, and I love to mix and match. If I knew how to do my own background on this blog, I’d just want a white background with a row of various-colored Gerber daisies across the top. Not just the usual red, orange, and pink tones, but even blues and greens. And maybe a cup of coffee.
The tough thing for me is that while I can reveal a lot of myself in writing, I have a hard time opening up to others in conversation about myself, even the fact that I love to write. So when I was asked by a few folks last week about what I like to do, I hemmed and hawed. Why is it so hard to talk about what I love? That’s when I get shy about my identity.
Blooming Joy! 
Funny, your comment about your Dad disliking DCEs. I think deep down most LCMS pastors don’t really LIKE DCEs, although they put up with them. Pity, since DCEs can do so much more than pastors are trained to do; but, many pastors were, unfortunately, trained to believe that they could do everything in the parish venue better than anyone else. Seat of much conflict for many DCEs
Jim, while I believe you are right, not so much in today’s seminary. They are trying harder (at least in St. Louis) to make pastors more aware of a “team” approach to ministry. In fact I had profs that said, “nothing depends on you, but it all rests and depends on God and His grace to you and in you and through you!” It is congregations that make pastors feel that they have to do everything. They “hire” notice in quotes, one man to do what really is the work of all who follow Christ whether in professional church work or not. ALSO…it is not that LCMS pastors don’t like DCE, I feel it is the other way around. Somewhere, in their training, they don’t get the model of ministry needed that they ARE NOT the shepherds of the flock but a team lead by a pastor that shepherds the flock together. More and more DCEs are operating, as well as other church workers, as lone rangers. This is dangerous as we are the BODY of Christ. The hand cannot say to the foot…. ALSO, we do remember that the pastor is the spiritual leader of the church. If a DCE or another church worker has issues with the a pastor in his leading it should be taken on one on one (Matthew 18) with him behind closed doors or following the other paths our synod has laid out! Very often this does not happen. Let me caution, PASTORS, we ought also do the same! Matthew 18 is the way we deal with one another. Sorry for the sermon….