There have been a few times that my husband has “borrowed” my blog posts for use as the daily devotions he sends out to our congregation each week. This time I’m borrowing his devotion! It fits so well into the thoughts I’m filled with this week, and to be honest, this is such an emotional week for me that I find it hard to write. So please enjoy a bit of Bible and some words from my husband, Travis.

Psalm 139

1 You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.

 19 If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, LORD,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

There is some great, great comfort in Psalm 139.  Comfort and peace as we read these Words and know how well, how awesomely well our Lord knows us, how intimately He knows us, and how He wants to be and IS part of our very life!  This is comfort: we know that our God in Jesus cares so much for us that He lives not only with us but IN us!  Praise Jesus!

Well, today’s topic has been on my heart a lot as of late.  You see, we are fast approaching, this Saturday, March 10, what would have been our little Samantha’s 1st birthday.  As I approach this day I am beginning to realize that this whole mourning business which I thought had been slowed, better, easier, well, it is not.  I find myself asking once again, “Why God?  For what good, for what propose did this happen? You know God, to say I am still a little angry over this would be an understatement.”  Then I stop and think, “I should know these answers. I should know better!  This is not faith.”  I cannot be angry with God!”,

Ahh, but you see, these NORMAL thoughts, questions, and emotions are not coming from a place of faith.  They are coming from my humanness, my weak: fallen, limited humanness.  And truthfully I can’t hide any of these thoughts or anger from God anyways, right?  According to Psalm 139 He knows me better than I know myself at any and all given times! But all of this is ok!  It is ok to question God, talk to Him, and be angry with Him (go read Job if you need an example), because that is where faith does come in.  It is when we go to God with all of these questions, doubts, feelings and emotions, that we build more intimately our relationship, indeed our Faith in and with God!

It is through this gift- faith- from God that I can live intimately with Him, just like we do in our closest relationships here on earth (But with God far better and greater).  We can yell at him, and be angry and shake our fists at Him!  It is ok!  God’s shoulders are big….VERY BIG…and besides, He already knows how we feel.  Contrary to what Adam and Eve tried, we cannot hide at all from God- anything, inside or out!

Whatever it may be we are going through in this life, it can be burdensome and we will at times feel alone, angry, and maybe even all this directed at God.  After all, we do live in a fallen world, but why can’t it be perfect now!  Well….that just makes Heaven all the better!  More hope, more anticipation!  More looking forward!  Wherever we find ourselves, it is God who says, “I am with you.  I will get you through this.  I am yours. You are mine.  I will give you peace and rest!  Cast your burden on me.  I LOVE YOU MY CHILD.  Shhhhh……Daddy’s got you.  You will be just fine, perfect!”  You see, faith is knowing that even when we do not have the strength to hold on to our Father, He is holding on to us and never, ever, no never, ever letting go!  When we view life in this light, that God knows us so well, that even before we fall, get bruised, or injured, He already is holding us for all eternity and calling us to rest, be healed, and grow in Him, there is nothing Satan and evil can do to tear us away from our God.  GOD NEVER LETS GO!  WOW!  What an awesome God we have! Praise be to God, forever!