In my mind, one year ago today is probably the worst day of my life. I just spent time re-reading last year’s post, and it starts with the phrase, “today sucked.” Yup, it did. It was the day I spent packing up our room at HealthBridge alone, the day I spent trying to figure out how to bargain with God for my little girl’s life (when I don’t believe that you CAN bargain with God), the day doctors confirmed the prognosis for Samantha. And yet today, I am calm. Reading the post saddens me, as reading anything I wrote last year can sadden me. I find myself crying over them whenever I read them.
Hospice was such a gift for us, in so many ways. The time we had with her was a gift from God, soaking up every precious moment we could with her and cherishing the memories until the very end. The care we received was such a blessing too. I am a HUGE supporter of hospice now. Hospice let us be mom and dad again, the primary caregivers. We gave her medicine and tucked her in. And we had a support team that allowed us to do that and gave us the help we needed along the way.
I had posted the lyrics of the song “Somewhere in the Middle” by Casting Crowns last year, mostly because I felt in-between the person I used to be and the person God was making me into. I stand back, amazed at what He has done in a year with me, with our marriage, with our lives. Everything changed, and we survived and came out stronger. Had anyone told me that a year ago, I might have punched them. But God has blessed us in sooooo many ways, and I am so grateful.