Thank you to everyone praying for me last week as I struggled with some major emotional burdens. This week I am doing better, and I know God is the reason.
That being said, I still have my daily struggles. I am working on developing some routines and rhythms in my life each week, each day. Certain things are working well – I’ve got a bedtime routine that really works for me, and while I don’t always go to bed at the same time, I do the same things each night (take meds, brush teeth, take out contacts, wash face). Travis and I recently added some prayer time together before bed as well.
The struggles I have are more with making and keeping the commitment to work out. It’s really easy for me to plan ahead and say, “I’m going to exercise tomorrow morning” or pack my bag with workout clothes when I go to work and say, “I will work out this afternoon.” Then when the time comes, I just don’t want to do it. I know that I feel better when I go, but there are always reasons and excuses – driving time, needing to shower after, feeling yucky after lunch, needing to get more work done in the office, sleeping in too late… you name it, I’ve made the excuse.
The thing is, I know exercise is good for me, in theory. I also know that I want to lose a little weight. I have tried it all:
Health clubs of various types: I hate the time it takes to get there and come home. And then there’s the need to shower, which means either dealing with nasty gross public showers, or, like I have now, no shower available. So that means fitting in time to go home again.
Walking/running/in neighborhood activities: These are good in theory, because they are instant. I prefer to do this with someone than alone, making this a challenge to sync my schedule with somebody else.
Workouts in my home: Sad, sorry failure. I don’t want to have to re-arrange our living room to do a video-based workout, and I often can’t figure out what to do without one.
In the end, I find myself being frustrated at my lack of motivation and the money going out of our account each month for dues to a place I’m not using. I’ve never been much for exercise anyway, and while I know it’s good for me I’d almost rather find ways of fitting activity into my lifestyle than to somehow add another thing I have to do. On to Psalm 28:7 –
The Lord is my strength and my shield;
in him my heart trusts, and I am helped;
my heart exults [leaps for joy],
and with my song I give thanks to him.
In the end, I know that most of my issues are my own, playing a comparison game to others who seem to have this “healthy lifestyle” thing figured out. I know God is leading me in all kinds of changes, and being physically healthy is part of that. Praise Him that I don’t have to rely on my own strength! Please keep praying for me, because I am keeping my eyes on the Source of my joy in the midst of this current struggle.