This blog post is part of a series that I began for telling our story. You can read the first post here.

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I find it a little bit ironic that I don’t really watch HGTV at all any more. I mean, they don’t even show the Rose Parade! When did that happen? I was so confused on January 1 when I turned to that channel and got re-runs of the current popular shows.

Eight years ago from my hospital bed, HGTV was my constant companion. Mind you, this was in the days before Chip and Joanna Gaines took over the station with their Fixer-Upper craziness. The Property Brothers were only just starting. My favorites were House Hunters (with Suzanne Whang still at the healm), HH International (who wouldn’t want to buy a home in a foreign country?), and Income Property. I don’t think Income Property is even on anymore, but I watched it a lot back then. The host would help folks create or renovate a rental apartment inside their home, in order to help with mortgage payments. Let me tell you, I’ve never seen such nice rental properties in person. But then again, like many shows on that channel, I’m pretty sure this one was done in Canada. Maybe Canadians care more about that stuff?

I also liked to watch Divine Design (I can still hear the music from that one) and Designing for the Sexes (DFTS). That one was a bit boring, to be honest, but as sick as I was, I really enjoyed the quiet, low-key way the show approached a marital dilemna. Similar in spirit to Love It or List It, DFTS pitted a husband and wife against each other. One would like contemporary style, the other traditional. Or farmhouse with modern. You get the picture. The host would bring in three designers to pitch to the couple a merged vision for their space, and the couple would choose one. Then the work would get underway, and finally you’d see the finished product.

I watched these shows every. single. day. And I didn’t get bored with them. Not once. On Sundays, Travis would drive back to Huntsville to take care of worship services, so I would switch things up and watch Say Yes to the Dress. I figured making him sit through wedding dress shopping might be a bit much, so I would watch it either alone or with my mom, who sometimes came to stay with me on Sundays. I’d watch as women tried on piles of white fabric and lace and beads, rejecting one choice after another before stepping out in “the one,” and I would imagine shopping with my daughter someday for her dress. We knew at that point we were having a girl. In fact, we knew as soon as the ultrasound could tell us. We still didn’t have a name, but we at least knew this little one was a girl, so I let myself dream of the future in a very specific way.

I was too scared to dream big during pregnancy, give our history with Jonah, but this one I let myself have. I still can’t watch that show without thinking about her.

Next post coming Monday.