I don’t think I realized until last night just how emotionally difficult this move is going to be. Everything has told me from the beginning that moving to Ohio is definitely a thing from God, but as I stood in the front of the church, singing with the praise team for the last time last night, I nearly broke down into tears several times. I’m really going to miss a whole lot of people, and I am not looking forward to starting over. I’m just about the most shy person that I know, and dealing with lots of new people scares the crap out of me. Plus, I hate small talk, and when you don’t know people it’s ALL small talk. Lately, even on this end, I’ve been getting the “how’s the packing going?” “Are you ready to move yet?” “What will you do when you get there?” kinds of questions. And on the other end, it’s a lot of “where are you from?” “How long have you been married?” “Do you have kids?” (at least that one is only with the total strangers, like the mortgage brokers and business people, not the church).
At times, I wish I had a silver ball with a gold thread so that I could speed ahead to the time when I actually know people and feel comfortable in my own skin around them. But I also realize that the whole point of going through the difficult times is so I can grow as a person. I just wish these “growth opportunities” weren’t so hard for me to get through.
I struggle with motivation, which is a big fear of mine heading into a season of life where I will have to be self-motivated or else just sit around and do nothing but watching my body expand. I don’t want to be a sloth, so I’m trying to envision my schedule now. And I pray it doesn’t take long before we have a second car so that I can run errands during the work day.
One of my goals for our new life (call it a resolution, if you want, but it’s less about the new year and more about the changes we’re facing) is to take the time to write on my blog more often. I know with moving soon that isn’t going to be realistic for at least a few weeks, but hopefully once we’re settled and get our internet connected at the new house, I’ll be able to post daily (or at least four days a week, since Travis will be home on Friday and Saturday and I’ll have church on Sunday).