I take so many things personally when it comes to my husband and his ministry.  I worry about him, how he is handling all of the pressures, and it hurts me that people think it’s ok to attack him.  Yet I see so many good things in what is happening, too.

I miss having specific ministry to do, but at the same time, I love having the free time to take care of stuff at home.  So often I ran out of energy after being at church all day, and things at home fell by the wayside.  Now, I’m keeping up with things much better than if we were both working.  I am inquiring into the possibility of teaching online, because I have loved my online education and I am passionate about it being done well.  I’m also hoping to get our house finally unpacked and organized.  I hate not knowing where all of our stuff is or having places to put things.  Right now our office is a disaster area.  I unpacked our books, probably prematurely, but the boxes were in the way and it was easier to put the books on the shelves.  But now that I’m considering re-arranging the bookshelves, that means a lot more work.  I’ve had to learn to not be such a perfectionist.  Unpack first, then rearrange later.  I’ve already reorganized the kitchen three times.  I still have a little more work to do in there to make room for my cookbooks, but otherwise I think it’s done.

While I do all of this unpacking, I have had to deflect recruitment from the church choir and praise team.  Not that I am ultimately opposed to either, but I have learned from experience to wait to join anything at church until I get a better sense of what it means to join it.  Signing up for any ministry as a pastor’s wife is like putting a stamp of approval on it, signed by the pastor.  I don’t want to endorse anything until we have a chance to feel it out.  And not joining is not the same thing as disapproval.  It’s neutral.  I know this seems like a lot of caution for some voluntary things, but when your husband is the senior pastor, joining is not a temporary thing.  It is permanent.  Because once I join something, if I decide to quit later, that is the equivalent to casting disapproval on it.  So I have to be 100% certain that I want to be involved in an area of ministry before I join it.