I follow a few blogs (I’m not sure of the exact number, currently). Some are friends, family, and colleagues. Some are ones I randomly happened on through other blogs or through surfing the web. One of the ones I follow is called Stuff Christians Like, which is funny and sometimes serious. Today’s post is brilliant. I will be thinking about that one for a while, because as a pastor’s wife, I often feel like I can’t be completely open at church. Sometimes it’s a sin thing, sometimes it’s a pain thing. The Casting Crowns song “Stained Glass Masquerade” fits my feelings when I’m in that place. Thankfully it’s not often that I feel that way at church, or I’d never be able to cope.
But for instance, last Sunday as 10 fifth graders went forward with their families, I was overwhelmed by sorrow. I used to teach first communion at our last church, and it made me miss it and the kids so much that I wanted to cry. I suppose I could have cried and people would have assumed it was with joy for the kids receiving the Lord’s Supper for the first time, but the truth is I was feeling the heartbreak of missing our previous church family.
Not that I regret moving for one minute. I know God led us here, even when things are stressful. There are just days when I wish I wasn’t married to the pastor (honey, I don’t mean not married to you!) so that I could scoot out and have a good cry without everyone wondering what I’m doing.
bethany actually said:
Wow, I never thought about it like that. I guess in so many congregations people are really watching the pastor’s wife’s every move like a hawk, huh? For what it’s worth, I treat every pastor’s wife that I’ve met like an individual person with her own worries and weaknesses and strengths and don’t expect her to be perfect or even agree with her husband on every little thing! I guess I have the advantage of having known some awesome pastor’s wives in my life, and have several friends with that title.
I hope that someday soon you are so comfortable in your new congregation that you feel that you can slip out of the worship service for a moment of privacy without anyone thinking less of you for it!
CeCe Garrett said:
Ya know.. I know this post is 6 days old.. but I just found you! And yeah. Ever want to sneak out to some other church where you can praise, mourn, sing, and do it all as just what you are? A child of one Wonderful Daddy? This life is not for sissies. Praying for a new sense of home for you at your new church.