I have three categories for this blog: Ministry, Personal, and Uncategorized. I don’t really use the third one, I think it’s a default setting. But the first two I created because some stuff I write about is ministry related and some is personal. Lately the two have been colliding big time.
The roller coaster continues to cycle. We have had so many ups and downs throughout the past few weeks that it’s hard for me to discern what’s going on at any point in time. Yesterday I was to the point that I was swearing off being a pastor’s wife entirely. Not that I would leave my husband, but that I don’t want to be present at any church, ever again, in that role. I’m so tired of having to pretend to be more outgoing than I actually am, to force myself to interact with people when my preference is to just blend in, and to join in activities I’d rather not, all for the sake of my husband’s ministry. Because in the end, none of that does any good. If Satan wants to destroy a man’s ministry, he will do everything in his power to do it. I don’t think we’re at that point yet, but it’s sure felt like it several times.
Hope is on the horizon, this much I do know. Things should be settled this week, and we’ll know what is going to happen either way. What hurts is that we have tried our best to not triangulate (draw others into the conflict) and badmouth, yet because we’re not operating that way, we’re the ones who seem to be losing. I hate it when evil tactics seem to win the day.
I’m a huge fan of Casting Crowns (I think I’ve said that before, maybe in my last post even, I can’t remember), and so much of their music keeps running through my head. It’s no coincidence that we went to their concert a couple of weeks before this happened and got their newest CD in the mail days before the mess started. God knew I needed to hear His voice through their music. Here are some of the titles that have meant the most to me lately:
“I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day”
“If We’ve Ever Needed You”
“Stained Glass Masquerade”
“Praise You in This Storm”
There are others of course, but these have meant the most to me. I highly recommend them (well, really, any of their music). Thanks, Kim, for introducing me to them.
Keep praying – it really does help! I am amazed and overwhelmed by the volume of prayer support we are receiving from everyone across the country. Facebook is not just for networking. God can use it too!
Angela Bargmann said:
Jim and I can relate – we’ve been through it before and are currently experiencing it again. I have already seen the ways, though, that God is using the situation to minister to people outside the church (some of my personal friends) and within the church (a returning to Scripture for answers). I have faith that God will provide for those who are following His will. He will provide for you and strengthen you. Let me know if you’d like to talk more.
Praying praying praying!!!!
Jim Bargmann said:
Noticed the posting on Casting Crowns… Voice of Truth has been of monumental imporance to me – in difficult ministry times. I’m going to keep reading now – may post more!
If you meant me Kim, Your very Welcome. If not…I love them too, and wished I introduced them to you. We’re still praying…without ceasing
bethany actually said:
I didn’t get the chance to comment on your last post, but I have been praying for you guys too! I am so, so sorry that you’re going through such a storm, and in a community of Christians, too. 😦 That is the kind of thing you hate to see happen anywhere, but it seems worse somehow when it involves your church family.
I have to say, though…I don’t think you should have to pretend to be more outgoing than you are! I understand that as the pastor’s wife you have a sort of honorary public position, like the wife of a politician, but that doesn’t mean you should have to pretend to be someone you’re not! If you’re quiet and reserved, BE quiet and reserved, just smile more than usual. 😉 I hope in the future you figure out a way to be a pastor’s wife without feeling like you can’t just be yourself. I’ll pray for you specifically on this issue, okay?
Love you guys!
Loving and praying for you from a long ways away — darn geography! Thankfully that matters not to our God! One of my favorite songs when I’m in a hard spot is “‘Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus.” Actually, Casting Crowns does a fantastic acoustic version – I find such comfort and peace in this song.