It feels like it’s been forever since I wrote, but it was over a week ago that I wrote the last week’s worth of blog posts. So for me it’s been a while, for the rest of you not so much. We spent last weekend in New York with a few friends that we’ve missed. It’s hard to go back there because there are loads of people we’d like to see but we don’t want to turn it into a “hey, look at me” kind of thing either. So we try to limit our exposure to a few people and then accidentally run into someone and worry that we’ve hurt some feelings.
This past Sunday was a big one in so many ways (and I’m not talking about health care reform!). Lots of churches had important meetings, some that affected us, some that affected people we love. To quote the facebook status of a friend of mine, “Sure glad the Lord knew He had another busy Sunday on His AGENDA!!!” And she didn’t even know about the meetings I was aware of!
Today has been a gloomy day, weather-wise, but I know I can get lots of things accomplished inside. I have trouble sensing joy and peace right now. Actually, the peace part is easy. Joy is still very elusive. Guess that’s nothing new for me. But it’s tough when I end up feeling guilty for not being more joyful. Kind of defeats the purpose, you know? When prayers were answered on Sunday, beforehand I worried worried worried. After, I felt very little emotion. Why is gratitude so hard for me? I thank God similarly to how I write thank-you notes – out of obligation, not because I’m actually feeling thankful. At the same time, I remember that my relationship with God is not dependent on how I feel. Sometimes I just wish I felt more like I think I’m supposed to feel.