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The trouble with having things going on in our lives that aren’t for public knowledge is that it makes writing this blog very difficult.  So many details of what we are dealing with are not things we can broadcast, so I end up staring at the screen wondering what to write about.

I stress a lot about money.  I worry about paying for major expenses, having enough income, making good financial choices, all of it.  I have two ways of dealing with this stress – ignoring it and pretending it’s not there, or worrying to the point of making myself sick.  Neither of these are good approaches, I know, but it’s something that I struggle with.

The thing is, I’m not sure that this is about a lack of trust.  More like I have a permanent case of expecting the worst outcome to any given situation.  And when things work out, like I mentioned yesterday, I keep feeling like the other shoe is going to drop.  It prevents joy in my life.  We have this hopeful thing on the horizon and yet as we wait for details I keep thinking that the details will prove that things won’t work out.  Aaah!  So not healthy!  Pray for me as I work out why I have such a pessimistic outlook on life.

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