Spent some more time today playing with the look of the blog. I’m sorry that I don’t know how to experiment with it in a way that allows me to check everything out before making public changes. This is the limitation I have being rather inexperienced with web-related stuff. And I don’t find WordPress to be nearly as user-friendly as most software programs. Maybe it’s just me. I am open to suggestions, if you have them, or helpful advice. Meanwhile, I continue to be living life as it comes.
I haven’t written much this week just because I haven’t had the opportunity. I don’t always get the computer out at home and I never write on my phone if I can help it. Typing with ten fingers is so much more efficient and easy for me than typing with two. One of the biggest changes for me is that I went to the doctor yesterday. It was my three-month follow-up on my blood pressure medicine change. Doesn’t seem possible that it’s been three months, since the last time I went in we still had Samantha with us. What a long year it has been! Anyway, Travis told me that for his birthday this week, he wanted me to talk to the doctor about how I’m having so much trouble sleeping and just overall struggling with borderline (if not full-blown) depression in the wake of our loss. I’m glad I did. The doctor told me that everything I’m going through is normal and that he’d be more worried if I didn’t feel this way. And he prescribed an anti-depressant.
I went back and forth as to whether I should post that. I find myself thinking about the people who I know in “real life” who read this blog and may not be in favor of it. Or the people who I don’t know who may come at me with their Tom Cruise-inspired dogma of why these kinds of drugs are just plain bad. But the truth is, this is my choice and I haven’t made a secret of my life in this blog up to this point, so why start now? And if I’m starting to feel better (who knows, I’ve only taken one pill at this point) I want to be able to pinpoint how medicine has helped me. Obviously I have no problem with taking a pill to control my blood pressure. What’s wrong with taking one to help control some emotional swings? I hope it does help, because there are days when just getting out of bed is hard. I’m also taking the doctor’s advice and walking outside in the daylight, to get both exercise and some much-needed sun exposure. Thank God I live in Texas, where the sun shines a lot. Now if we could just get some more soaking rains like the night before last!
Keep praying, we still need it.
bethany actually said:
Oh! I like this template!
I think taking an antidepressant to deal with your very understandable depression is a smart, hopeful thing to do.
My blog friend Ellen (one of the first blogs I read regularly, way back when Annalie was tiny!) was diagnosed with depression when she was 13. She’s a Christian, and has struggled over the years with times when she felt like she shouldn’t *need* to take meds, or when people at her church told her she shouldn’t take them. She’s also a talented artist, and wrote and illustrated an online book about depression that is worth taking a look at, I think:
Hugs. I think about you often. Your story has touched so many people in MY life. I saw a high school friend that I hadn’t seen I in 8 years and hadn’t communicated with outside of your basic FB updates and comments. She was deeply moved by your story and has prayed for you.
I am glad that you are addressing your depression. Mental illnesses carry such a stigma in certain circles that it can be difficult to admit facing them and treating them. Like untreated high blood pressure or cholesteral they don’t magically go away. As someone who has dealt with anxiety disorder I know meds help.
I love you, think about you often and wish I could share a walk with you.
I am in full agreement with you. It is your option to be miserable or to try to help your depression. By the way you are entitled to be depressed with all you have been through. My only comment would be that some anti-depressants can cause you to have increased appetite or to gain weight. Speaking from experience I would just say that you need to keep an eye on that. Good luck with feeling better. It will take several weeks for it to build up in your system. I am still praying for your family.
Miriran Maas said:
You have every reason to be depressed with the year you have had. There is nothing wrong with taking medicine to help you. I wouldn’t be able to function if I didn’t take my Cymbalta. I need to take an anti-depressent first of all because I have the tendency for depression and I have Fibromyalgia and just the disease process makes me depressed. DO NOT feel quilty about taking somehting to help you, that is what medicine is for, to help us.I believe the Good Lord expects us to do what we can to help ourseleves. He is always there to guide us in what we do and if you need to take a pill then go ahead and do it. As I said I wouldn’t be able to function without the pills I have to take. Hang in there and know you are Loved!!
Miriran Maas said:
I like all the changes. I have less knowledge than you do I think so it is fun seeing all the possibility’s!
Depression is a partial brain chemistry issue, so taking a med to help “reset” along with talk therapy is absolutely a good option. It has nothing to do with less faith in God, it’s about using the tools God provides (through medicine) to find your new path.
I have been taking antidepressants for years. I have these chronic problems with my brain chemicals, neurotransmitters, endocrine triggers, all that stuff. Nothing to worry about; in fact, be glad modern biochemistry can help you out.
It’s to me more chemistry than thought.
God’s blessings. I got off Facebook so am Tweeting and starting my own blog – will send it to you when I get it off the ground. Also I am getting more active on Google+, which I have found I like, a lot.
Jeanine Bernache Tobolski said:
I’ve been praying that someone you trusted would recommend medication to you. Those of us who have lived through deep depression (no matter the cause) understand the difference between normal lows and overwhelming valleys. God bless your doctor!
And to further your analogy, no one tells a diabetic to just give up the insulin and tough it out!
Katie Jones said:
Stephanie, I appreciate your honesty and sincerity. You should come take a walk in the cool Colorado mornings! Absolutely beautiful! Purple Mountain’s Majesty just a glance away. Hope Travis had a good birthday, and I pray that the Lord will continue to lift you up and bring some new found refreshing joys to your days.