As I begin to dig through the files in my office, I find myself feeling a bit overwhelmed.  I worry that I will not have the same level of energy as the person who held this position before me.  She did a lot with the youth – trips, fundraisers, lock-ins, etc.  And I’m only getting started.  Why does this worry me so much?  I play stupid comparison games all the time.  Weird thing is, I’ve rarely fallen into the physical appearance trap of comparison.  Not that I feel like I’m drop-dead gorgeous or that I’m fully happy with my weight (nice thing about being pregnant is I don’t worry about that one right now!)  But I don’t usually worry about those things in comparison to someone else.  Mostly it’s just wishing that I didn’t have the zit on my lip or that I was healthier.

But when it comes to being outgoing, I constantly compare myself to others.  I worry that I don’t talk enough in social situations, or that I’m not engaging enough to really draw out the youth.  I forget that not everyone is supposed to be that way.  But it’s hard for me.  My natural habitat is to bury my nose in a book or write about my thoughts.  But that doesn’t mean I belong there all the time!  I’ve been doing pretty well moving out of my comfort zone in the last few years.  Teaching this summer was a big one for me, because I spent five days a week in a classroom with elementary children.  And while it reconfirmed for me the decision I made in college to NOT be a schoolteacher, it also helped me to realize that I CAN work with kids and that it’s not as scary as I thought.

I’m going to be reminding myself a lot in the coming weeks that while I might feel inferior based on the files in my office, I was brought in to do a different job.  My job isn’t just youth, it also involves Sunday school.  And I’m part-time, so I can’t do it all.  I am not going to fall into the trap of measuring myself against the past.  I will challenge myself to keep stepping out in faith and doing the work that God has prepared for me to do each day.

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